I skated the Autumn Bowl today but I just can't stop thinking about the death of Mike O'Neill. I feel depressed and lethargic. I don't think my depression is related directly to Mike's death as we were not that close, but I think after hearing the news of his death I reassessed my own life.

Where have I been? Where am I going? I tend to beat myself up because I feel like I squandered too many opportunities. I have been offered chances to do great things, but I seem to just run away from them.

My return to skateboarding happened during a play I was working on called Of a White Christmas written by Rinne Groff. I had the opportunity to do the sound design and to be really involved in the production, but at the time I decided I was going to start skating again. All of my efforts went into watching skate movies, doing research, and starting this documentary. Rinne and I were also working on a musical based on The Boy in the Plastic Bubble which after writing a bunch of songs for, I left as well.

Rinne is an awesome writer and for me to have the opportunity to work with her was a gift - a gift I walked away from. This seems to happen quite a bit in my life. I don't seem to try hard enough. I quit before giving myself a chance at success. Maybe I was just made this way. I've heard that certain aspects of people's personalities are set by the time they are 6. I am not sure that I believe this, but looking back at my youth and all of the things I quit prematurely, I wonder if it isn't true. Baseball in the 5th grade, playing cornet in the school band in 6th grade, soccer in 10th grade, skateboarding in 12th grade, Ant Farm in 1990, dogs on ice in 1994, Joe Popp (the band) in 1997.

The list seems to go on and on and the character flaw becomes evident - I am the guy that quits first. I feel like one of the only projects that I ever saw through to the end was my play I did with Jobsite Theater called MAXWELL. It was very tough and lonely to finish that musical - I was working on it through 911, but somehow I did. Maybe that's why I fear committing to projects - the loneliness...

I didn't skate for very long today but I was able to pull off back to back 50-50s on one run. It was hotter than the fires of hell at the bowl, but I saw Dylan and he gave me some ideas for Popp Skates. We skated for a short time and both left the bowl together drenched in sweat.

One of my earlier quittings - the cornet...

I found out today that Tampa guitarist Mike O'Neill died. He killed himself by jumping off the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. Mike and I were not really close friends or anything, but when I was in dogs on ice in the early 90's we played quite a few shows together with his band at the time, Monday Mornings. He was so cool to us. He helped us get gigs and was so sarcastically and funny that he could relax you just before you went on stage with a few witty words.

Many of you have probably never heard of Mike or even his other bands The Unrequited Loves, The Nailbiters, or Thee Cryptkicker Five, but I wonder how common his story is in music history. There are probably quite a few guys like Mike that play music their whole lives with little or no recognition to houses of 5 or 10 people on a good night. And this was no mediocre guy, He had great songs and a energetic stage presence. But somehow making a living solely in the music business eluded him as it does many of us. Maybe it's luck or some kind of curse but when I see how hard and how long Mike tried I can believe I could have come to the same resolution myself.

During my music career, I went through a period of feeling very down, specifically after a very bad review of a rock adaptation of Macbeth that I did. But I didn't contemplate suicide, my decision was to just get out of performing. I guess in a way that decision was my Skyway Bridge. I killed the thing I liked to do because I felt there was never anyway I could have my musical voice heard. Even with all of the positive reenforcement I had to come to the realization that I was not going to be a rock star.

So shortly after my 32 birthday, I left my band and stopped playing seriously for the rest of my life. Yes, I still wrote music and performed but, it was with a very different attitude. It was without the hunger and the hope that I once had.

I am not sure if this is what Mike was feeling when he went over that bridge, but I have to say that I totally understand if it was. It could have been any artist that has hardships with his art and his life and just can't take the pain.

I remember one story in particular about Mike. He offered us an opening slot at some oyster bar that normally doesn't have music, I think it was called Tjs or something. It was in a very uncool part of Tampa and both of our bands were promised an unreal amount of money. It was like $1200 for the 2 bands. It sounded too good to be true and of course it was. I remember this roundtable meeting we had at the end of the night with the two bands and the club owner. Both of our bands had just played this uncool place to no one and Mike wanted the money. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at this guy with a cigarette dangling from his mouth just shouting "Give us the fucking money! We had a contract!" It reminded me of the scene in Good Fellas where Deniro is yelling at Morty and starts choking him with the phone. His face was beet red and he was incensed. The thing that grabbed me about this moment was the passion he exuded while yelling at the guy. It was "I don't mind selling my soul, but dammit I want to get paid when I do it!" I always admired mike after that and new he was the real deal. His music was his life.

I started Joe Popp after leaving dogs on ice and we did pretty well as far as Tampa bands go. I would see Mike often at a bar called The Hub and he was always the funniest guy. Joking with me as my band rose to success and later crumbled into a pile of rubble, always remaining the same nice warm person. Looking back I was an arrogant asshole most of the time after getting a small taste of fame but Mike never judged me for this. It's as if he knew what I was going through and he accepted me.

Mike and I were born about a month apart, so with his death I am forced to face many of the same questions I'm sure Mike was searching to find answers for himself. All I can say is that it was really nice to have met a guy like Mike O'Neill in my lifetime. I have a lot of fond memories and funny stories because of him and although you may never hear his voice echoing across the country on the radio, there is at least one old Tampa guitarist who from time to time hums a Monday Mornings tune and reflects on some of the best days of his life. Thanks for everything Mike - a lot of people are going to miss you...

Me, Mike O'Neill, and Mark Buston at a benefit for Jeff Wood 2003

By Some odd twist of fate my wife, daughter, and I were invited out to the NYC haven for the rich - The Hamptons. My best friends wife has a cousin... well you know the deal. When a New Yorker say "I am going out to the Hamptons this weekend" they are proving their wealth to you. Granted it is a beautiful place but I am not sure I cold ever have those words in my vocabulary....

I decided to go out there and take the weekend off from skateboarding. It was a really nice time. We just ate steak and lobsters, watched Jaws, a swam in the pool. My daughter loves to swim and proved it by soaking herself for many hours until her skin pruned like an old raisin.

One of the great moments of the trip is when we went to visit the Pollock House. This is where Jackson Pollock did his famous splatter paintings. It was amazing to see the actual floor where he threw the paint in seemingly random patterns, but after seeing his work and his place, ]I grew a new admiration for the artist.

I am sure the Alva Splatter was inspired by this guys work. I think anybody who tosses paint owes Jackson a tip of the hat.

It was a very relaxing weekend up until the drive home where the traffic was gridlocked by all of the New Yorker weekenders returning to their high profile stress filled jobs so they can pay the rent on their places in the Hamptons. Clinch your teeth together when you say that,,,

I got to stand on this very floor where Pollock did his thing...

I had to skate today because I knew I was leaving town for the weekend so I shot over to the Autumn Bowl for a session. I realize this blog can be pretty boring sometimes because all I ever seem to talk about is trying to land 50-50s. You get no relief with this post because today I landed 2 50-50s back to back! I am pretty psyched about it because as I get better at doing them back to back, I can do more of them in a session before I get tired. Things are looking good... 07.09.06

I went for a very early session at the Autumn Bowl and just decided to have fun. I have been working on my company during most of my free time but I can't forget to have a good time. The cool thing about this session is that I am now able to do 50-50s pretty much at will. They are still sketchy but I can now get on the coping accurately and shift my weight the way I need to. My next goal is to be able to do them back to back. Then I can just do them over and over and really get the feeling for them.

I am also trying to get better at going backwards (fakie, as it's called) so that I can work my way up to Rock to Fakies. I also can tap my tail now and need to turn that into a Tail Stall. A great day of skating...

I looked at the building next to the bowl that burned down in the Great Greenpoint Fire and I realized how lucky that I am that the bowl didn't burn. The bowl is such a great release of stress for me and without it I think I would lose my mind. Sometimes fate and the wind direction work in your favor...

I went to see the World Cup final at Tom and Jerry's with a bunch of friends. It was a crowded but fun experience until some Italian fan knocked into me and spilled my beer. No one spills the precious golden nectar without at least an apology! My friend Mark and I exchanged a few choice words with him but I was not about to fight anybody. I am very sure my family doesn't want to pick up daddy from jail...

The devastation that almost took the bowl...

I am trying to skate more so I ventured out to shred the Autumn Bowl. I have really been busting my butt on getting these 50-50s down and I feel like I am getting it. I did 5 in a row. Not back to back in the same run, but in 5 tries I got all 5!

When I got home from skating I was excited to get an email from my T shirt guy saying that the new Popp Skates shirts were done! They look so punk!!!! I am not sure who my market is but I think the graphic is cool and I might be able to sell a few.

I learned the ins and outs of how to set up a web store and everything works very well. Wouldn't you know it that my first customer was Martin Rice, the bass player from my old band Joe Popp. Martin is a great guy and taught me a great deal about life. He still lives in St. Pete so I don't get to see him often, but I miss his energy.

Popp Skates first product!

To celebrate our country's anniversary of independence, I decided to have a session at the Autumn Bowl. It was a great day because I brought my daughter Gabby along to get her out of the house for a while. She grabbed her Razor Scooter so she wouldn't have to walk so much for the 3 train excursion to Greenpoint.

Gabby took a bunch of pictures and shot some video. It was a great father/daughter day. After a while, she asked if she could ride the bowl. I was worried that she didn't have a helmet, but I said what the heck - it's our country's (and my Dad's!) birthday! She rolled around the bowl and imitated freestyle ice skater moves and had a huge smile on her face. As she was getting her carves higher and higher she says, "Dad you are the greatest dad in the whole world". I am not sure if it's true, but it sure feels good to hear those words come out of your kid's mouth. Maybe I am doing a few things right?

I landed some 50-50s and hit a few Backside Grinds. Gabby even hooted and knocked here scooter on the deck when she heard the grinding truck sound. I felt like the richest man in the world - not in the money way but the George Bailey kind of way...

A little Backside Grind - feeling more natural...

A sketchy 50-50 - video and hoots by Gabby...

Gabby carves it up! First bowl run ever!

I have been working on the elusive 50-50 so much that I have been neglecting the amazing birch masterpiece known as the Autumn Bowl. I decide to just do a quick movie of a run for the archives. I feel more comfortable carving but frontside is still an odd sensation. My speed is good but my balance is still wobbly. My set up feels a little too loose lately especially on the Mini Ramp so I think I may change my truck bushings the Bones Hardcore "Hard" instead of "Medium". I weigh about 195 so the mediums are starting to feel a little loose when I get over the coping.

The milestone today was that I finally got a frontside grind in a pool! As I stated before, frontside feels very strange to me and I have a fear of falling backwards and not being able to see where my melon is going to smash the ground. This may be a good thing, but I can not let it stop me from progressing. I decided I was just going to go for it in the shallow end. It really isn't much different from the Mini Ramp but the transition is slightly steeper and the pool your truck does not slide like it does on the steel coping of the Mini Ramp.

I just put my trusty Canon SD110 into video mode and went for it. I didn't get it the first try but I started the camera again and just pumped a little harder coming back. Low and behold, I finally got a little "scritch" of a grind. It is the sound that keeps skateboarders coming back to get longer grinds - it is the sound of destruction.

There is something about the camera rolling that puts the pressure on you to make a trick. Now that I have done it once, the barrier of not being able to do it is gone. I know I can do it, now I just have to get it better and that is not too bad of a journey.

Awesome day at the bowl - all by myself!

A run in the Autumn Bowl with a couple of grinds...

My first ever Frontside Grind in a bowl!